Stream of mind

When it's all over and done I'm the one in the middle screaming my head off, wondering what I just did and whether I'll live to see the day everything I do comes to fruition. It doesn't help matters that I'm numb with the pain, or if I'm previewing everything I've been waiting for only to see it dashed on the bloody rocks of reality.

I feel empty all of a sudden...and I'm surprised at how everyone can change their minds completely and so quickly including me. I hate myself for that, that uncertainty and indecisiveness that's eating away at my intestines and making me leave the bathroom with soft stool in the bowl.

What the fuck am I here for?