For toy collectors, the thrill lies in the hunt – they’re always on the lookout for the latest releases or the rare set to complete their collection. In that sense, collecting never truly ends. There will always be the next updated figure, the next first-in-the-line, the next re-release of the figure you missed out on preorders.
I've never really felt that with Hasbro's GI Joe Classified line, and it's something I'm thankful for. I love GI Joe, it's a big part of my childhood, but I'm happy ticking off a checklist of my favorite characters and stopping there. And then GI Joe Classified came out with the Retro line.
Whereas Classified figures were updated, modernized versions of GI Joe characters, the Retro figures were more accurate to their vintage toy looks. What this meant for my collecting days is that I finally have a way of getting figures of my favorite characters in the classic looks I want!
Fast forward to now, where I got my hands on two of my most anticipated figures of the year: Retro Sgt. Stalker and Cobra Commander! Let's dive right in!
I don't know if it's the kid in me talking, but I still get hyped seeing the 6-inch Joes in Retro packaging. As you get older, the parts of your childhood shine a little bit brighter, so the sight of the "background explosion" packaging brings me very visceral joy. I would have loved to have kept this mint and sealed.
But alas, I'm an open card kinda guy, so let's see Retro Sgt. Stalker in all his glory out of the packaging!
Sergeant Lonzo "Stalker" Wilkinson is a no-nonsense-looking dude with a steely gaze and an even steelier mustache. The figure is mostly reused parts, but Stalker here wears it well.
With the entire deal of the Retro line is making figures look like their original figures, the GI Joe Classified team knocked this one out of the park. Retro Sgt. Stalker is positively redolent of his vintage toy, and the touch of modern in his accessories just add to the badassery.
I've been having some QC problems with a few of my other Retro figures having stuck joints, but thankfully my Retro Sgt. Stalker is satisfying to pose and play with. It's been a while since I took a GI Joe Classified's articulation to its extremes without fear of breakage, and his accessories don't hinder movement at all. Lucky me!
First up is a big'un. Literally. As per Wikipedia, it's a FiNN light machine gun cast in black plastic, and Retro Sgt. Stalker looks like a stone-cold badass with it. This is a light machine gun?!
The best part is that the gun's chonky magazine can be pulled out to simulate reloading! The bullets are even painted in shiny, bullet-y copper. Neat!
The figure also comes with a standard Joe-issue M32 "Pulverizer" submachine gun. It looks good in matte black plastic, and the magazine also can be pulled out for some good ol' roleplaying.
Also included is a black pistol with big-ass suppressor, the perfect weapon for a guy nicknamed "Stalker." It's the same pistol seen from previous Retro alumni Beachhead, another reuse I don't mind seeing.
He also comes with a big-ass knife that's too thick to be of any use. It kind of breaks immersion seeing a thicc silver knife in his hands. Is he gonna club someone to death with it? It's so thick it can't even go all the way into his leg holster, the only QC issue I have with this figure.
Finally, you can peg a big-ass (see a pattern?) holster for Sgt. Stalker's machine gun on his back. It looks ridiculous, but I'm not gonna start telling that to his face!
Retro Sgt. Stalker may look pretty plain, but there's nothing basic about this figure. It's a really fun soldier with cool-looking guns and an aura of take-no-bullshit from head to toe. If this is how Hasbro treats one of the original Joes, then bring on Short-Fuze and Flash!
We've met the good ol' Sergeant, now let's meet his wave mate and the whole reason I started collecting GI Joe Classified: Retro Cobra Commander!
This is it. This is the figure I've dreamed about since I started collecting this line. I've dreamed of owning iconic characters from my childhood in 6-inch scale, and now Retro Cobra Commander is here in all his chrome-domey glory. Out of the packaging, it has all the hallmarks of a definitive Cobra Commander figure and then some that it's hard not to spaz just a little just talking about it!
Seeing it in hand made me furious I let FOMO get to me when I bought the HasLab Cobra Commander. I knew I should have waited until Hasbro inevitably released an accurate one! Spiffy blue uniform? Check. Black gloves? Check. Helmet with the white stripe? Check. Accurate Cobra logo and shiny face plate? Checkity check. Retro Cobra Commander is the spitting, sibilant image of the iconic 80s cartoon villain!
GI Joe Classified articulation does wonders for Retro Cobra Commander. He's not really known for being a gymnast or anything, but the figure has a satisfying range of articulation for virtually any pose a human can do. Check out the high kick!
Unlike Retro Sgt. Stalker's loadout, Retro Cobra Commander is packed with just the essentials. I would have loved an alternate hooded head included, though. It's not like they're not allowed to make one!
Cobra Commander's signature laser pistol is the Retro's only firearm, but that's all he needs, really. Cast in matte black plastic with some red paint details, the pistol fits snugly into the figure's hands and in the included holster you can plug into the back.
Of course, this ain't Cobra Commander without alternate hands that showcase his flair for the dramatic! The figure comes with a pointing right hand, a grasping left hand, and two fists to give him the widest range of expression. Even without a face, you just know Retro Cobra Commander is the biggest drama queen in your display with the right combination of hands.
A knife is also included, which sheathes nicely into the sheath on Cobra Commander's left thigh. The smoothness of the figure's legs makes the sheath straps loose enough to drop down, which is a bit of a bummer.
But that's really just nitpicking at this point, because the important thing is my Cobra team finally has a leader (sorry, Destro...) and I am content. No GI Joe collection is really complete without a Cobra Commander, and we're all very fortunate that we've been given quite possibly the definitive one for the foreseeable future.
It's a unique feeling getting the missing pieces of your action figure collection. As a stickler for accuracy in my toys, I'm happy with Retro Sgt. Stalker and Cobra Commander. Both are well-made toys with tons of character, and now I can rest easy knowing my GI Joe display is complete...for now.
Now, if they just get around to making retro Snake Eyes...
I hope you found this review helpful. Thanks for reading and take care of yourself out there!
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